Have you met my husband? Eh-hem….Have you met my SECOND husband? Well, neither have I. But I have learned some valuable lessons through dating, heartbreak, and singledom that have made me wiser, stronger, and more prepared for the moment when I finally “exhale.” I am in no rush to meet him (in my convincing-myself voice). I have been cheated on, lied to, heart broken, served papers…you get the idea. I have also had years of butterflies and excitement and visions of weddings and babies. Hell, I have actually had a wedding. And 3 babies! But I have yet to meet the one. Each romantic experience from adolescence through adulthood, be it painful or joyous, has led me closer to this notion of romantic wisdom. I have spent most of my life chasing “unconditional love” and the warm, secure and fuzzy feeling that I imagine comes with it. I have worked really, really hard to convince myself that the man of the moment is the one, and in turn have made excuses for cheating, lying, eye rolling, controlling behaviors, jealousy, you name it, I have put up with it and somehow justified it as unconditional love.
Every broken relationship has taught me something valuable about my second husband and I have a new, simple and improved Must Have list to help me weed through all of the men knocking down my door (sarcasm fully intended). Really- I don’t know who I think I am coming up with such a list when I can’t even remember the last time I was properly asked out on a date, but here it goes, in no particular order.
THE LIST– from now on these items are non-negotiable. Once I determine a suitor does not have one of the following qualities, he is no longer an option. No questions asked, no second guessing myself, no justifying, no, “ but he is so fill-in-the-blank.” If I am going to devote and commit my time, heart, emotions, and body to a person, the following are the bare-minimum requirements. I will not second guess myself. End of story.
- Sense of Humor
Witty, sarcastic, intelligent, pee-my-pants funny. ‘Nuff said.
No need to believe in God per se, but some connection to a power greater than himself-nature, music, vibrational energy, whatever keeps him connected to something spiritual. My second husband must have something that supersedes human expectations and offers him serenity, a sense of belonging and wonder, and a belief that there is more to life than just life.
This is a quality that I admire so very much in others. Humility is best defined through example. When a person who truly possesses humility is in my presence I know it, I feel it, and I appreciate it. No one human is better than the next. Financial status, personal and professional experience, looks, character do not set one human being higher than another. Humility lends itself to compassion, understanding and kindness. It is one of the hardest qualities to come by in adults in today’s world. It is also contagious in a way. Less ego, please. Shirtless gym selfies need not apply.
- No Eye Rolling/ Passive Aggressive Behaviors
Yes, I understand I am asking a lot on this one- but for some reason I always attract the passive aggressive ones. I cannot stand it. I am simply aggressive. I will never understand the need for the passive part. Roll your eyes at me once and we are done. Yes, there is a story or 2 behind this one, but I will not excuse this behavior. Be a man. Use your words.
- He must fully support and understand my sobriety.
I am sober. I do not drink. I go to meetings. God is a huge part of my life. My sobriety is number one and needs to stay there. I am who I am because I am who I am.
So, that is it. That is my list. I will not stray from it, I will not settle and I will not forget these things because now they are forever etched in my blog. Now, back to living life, not rushing to find Mr.-Second-Husband. But, if you happen to meet him, send him my way.